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Heidi! (hi-deee)

lamps in my life
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" red flags and long nights "


Thursday, September 15, 2005 at 1:08 am
lonely nights

oh surprise surprise. i am bored yet again. blogging is a relief for me. a relief from my boredom. danng. i am so bored i can't even explain it. gosh. its driving me crazy.
i feel old. today especiallu. i mean i've been feeling like i'm old since like the begining of this year or maybe way before this year. but today i feel exceptionally old. i think its partly due to all the rotting i've been doing at home. i need advice. any sites to recommend that i can go to? so i can waste my time. i think i need a trip. i want to go away. far away. i can actually. i just need money. no wait. make that LOADS of money.
take a trip 10 years down the road. where do you see yourself. married? high paid job? happy? stuck with a horrible ugly looking husband/wife? i tell you what i see. NOTHING. blank. i have absolutely NO plans. this is bad bad bad. sigh. i want to remain yound. forever. if i had a choice i would remain... 15. Sec 3. just right. you're relatively matured. you know what you need to know. you don't have to study exteremely hard since O's are in the following year. so.. danng. this makes me realize i should have spent my sec 3 year better. you know, break some rules, create a havoc. that'll be something i'd remember. (: aaah. but even then, sec 3 was a good year for me (: i managed to squeeze out of a clique that had a terrible person in it. if you were in my sec sch, you'd know who. *winks. we had our first YC camp - which was a HUGE success. (: we moved to our new building. we were the teachers' favourite batch. it felt good to be the teachers' or even the school's pet (: oh just imgine the advantages we enjoyed. hah! oh man. now i feel terribly OLD! its so sad. i get on a bus and i see secondary school kids carrying their textbook and all. i look at them and laugh. 'hah! i'm so over that period!' but truth is i want to go back. we're never happy where we are huh. perhaps 10 years later i'd wish i could be me right now. free - too free.
damn. this is getting miserable. alright. tata for now. i can't bear the old thought anymore.